Friday, November 20, 2009

Parking lot Pimping and other Dating Fails

Chicago men are not shy. Chicago women are... not shy. In a city where the effects of the recession is very apparent, Chicago has amazed me with the ability to make the most out of nothing. Don't have money for the club? Dont have any clothes to wear? In chicago that doesnt mean you cant have that club scene atmosphere.

Only in Chicago is it common practice for teens and adults to park at different parking lots and actually post up the entire night trying to meet and holla at people. Guys will park their hoopty to ballar cars at White Castles, Wal-Greens, Jewel-Osco and other random places, blasting music and trying to holla at ladies. Oh and lets not forget to make special note that these women dress like Lil Kim designed their clothes for them. You have to see it to beileve it. Crowds bigger than inside of 5th Quarter and Necto combined in one parking lot. Theres no fee to get in and its byob.

So why was I there and how do i know about this?.........

Ive learned not to smile in Chicago. Walking down the street with a smile, is like saying to every crazy Deshawn, Tyrone and Ceasar and even Jimmy that you are interested in them.

"Dayum girl you smiling hard, let me get your number?!"
"Awww I see you like Big pappi give me yo digits so i can keep you smiling."

"Girl you smile so hard, make me wanna give you a REAL reason to smile"

Ive learned to "Mean Mug" as an attempt to be more low profile and deter local homies from trying to "get on". As you may notice my vocabulary has increased too.

The dating scene is such a major part of Chicago that this wont be my last blog about it im sure.

Well im gonna go ahead and get back to "getting it in" while yall are just "getting on" what im talking about over here.

love life


After not getting any for a few LONG months, I ended my celibacy in the city of Chicago. New to the area, didn't know alot of people and the start of law school all was making me tense and yall already know from my first blog entry that the whole Tweet "Oops Oh My" was not gonna cut it. I needed the physical release that comes from hot, intense, sexual pleasure.

*Sighs, Another Greek. The org shall remain nameless but been there done that and dayum why did I go back for seconds? Anyways the physical interaction with this guy wasnt the best ive ever had (although ladies a bit of advice Always make him think he is the best you ever had :-) because he will work harder to keep the title and it strokes his ego whie he's stroking your.... ) Anyways the guy was flawless on paper.

No kids, good job, college graduate, property owner, had his own car, im so lucky i thought im kicking it with a real man. (IF a man seems to be tooo good to be true... dayum it girl pay attention). If he is dayum near 30 and single... theres a reason for it. As accomplished as this man was- the crazyness out of his mouth would encourage me to be celibate again. And we all know thats not happening again :-)

Arguements began when he told me that he wanted a baby momma before he got married, to test his future wifey to see how she handles having ties to him. I was so scared that he was trying to trap me that i had to be the one to buy the condoms and grab them just to make sure they werent tappered with. Then he had his view points on what it means to be the Man in the house- he went on to tell me that even if I made more money than him when i enter "his" house not OUR but His house my money was his money. And lets not forget the constant need to pretend to be more busy than he ever was. Im so busy i cant talk now, as he updates, myspace, facebook, twitter and his gmail status as to his new project of downloading the latest skype application and websurfing discounts. OH and how can I forget this balla of a brother was so accomplished and so amazing that its the topic of most our conversations, yet I was expected to pay for everything, including taking him on dates.

So why would I bother with the drama, and headache of something I knew was going nowhere? Maybe its because I care about him and have grown to laugh at his ignorant outlooks on things, maybe its because I value him as a friend despite how he treats me, maybe its because I believe that underneath the asshole cover is a caring guy who loves his frat, family and job, or maybe.. well ... maybe its... well...

All I can say is...... Dayum ... that dick is pretty good tho......

I wonder what he's doing right now... should prolly text him :-)

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Celibacy = Blogger's Block

Where have I been? Starting my blog was a fun and real way for me to say what I was really feeling and thinking. Gave me the control and freedom to call people out and to own up to and speak my truth. After writing a couple of my entries, I decided to be celibate. For those of you who follow me publically or privately, you have probably read my 1st entry, "A REAL Independent Woman" where I gave an 'inside look' at my masturbation attempts. Clearly not satisfied with that I discussed some of my sexual hunts whether successful or not but ulitmately decided I may be addicted to the Dick.

After realizing this, I decided to be celibate. Yes, me. As my family and friends heard my decision noone really believed that I woud do it. Well Fuck them.... 3 months has to count for something right? In the time of my celibacy, I started Law School at DePaul and moved to Chicago, still a wolverine but with a new zip code. With the new zip code, came new explorations, new dramedies and so much to speak on.

Chicago the land of successful brothers and achieving sistahs, the former home of caprini green and the ballers on the Magnificent Mile. The uppidy fogo de chao and the hood famous Harolds Chicken. This is my new home and im finally ready to share it with everyone.

Same rules as last time, I am going to be direct, blunt and honest so please dont email me or text me in shock. I am proof that even the "Good Girls" have stories and that the Michigan Degree, Community Service and Wealthy Background doesnt mean im not real. And law school has only made me that much more direct and real.

the celibacy blocked me from expression, but Im Back.

Are you ready?

Friday, May 22, 2009

The Graduation Gift

Graduating from the University of Michigan was one of my biggest accomplishments. I was paranoid that at graduation something embarrassin was going to happen. I had nightmares of me falling down the stairs at the Big House, I had visions of me being caught falling asleep during the comencement ceremony. The list went on. At graduation I walked so slow down the stairs, I held up everyone, but I didnt fall :-) However, at Black Celebratory, my gown broke, the zipper refused to go up moments before it was my turn to walk up the stage. How can this happen to me, just my luck! I was so upset, I contemplating not walking up and having my name read, but a friend convinced me to just do it anyways. I did, and it was fine, worried for nothing.

I had the pleasure of going to Atlanta to watch my only brother graduate from high school. Watching him cross the stage, was such a moment for me, my brother has his whole life ahead of him and I was so Moved. My brother was the kid noone thought would graduate, poor grades and bad life decisions almost ruined his future, but now he is living on his own in chicago and doing well in Art School.

Everything changed at dinner.

My family went to dinner to celebrate my brothers graduation. As we sat, my brother turned red and almost passed out. Breathing frantically and having a hard time breathing. We had to rush him to the emergency room. I spent hours in the ER waiting room, holding my brothers cap. How could moments ago he be walking across the stage and smiling nd the next gasping for air and the whole family filled with a different set of emotions. My brother is ok, turned out he is allergic to Atlanta and some throat closure issues.

But the night taught me the value of family and how fragile life can be. The things ive worried about the nightmares that kept me up and the people I let hold me back...doesnt really seem to matter when facing a life altering situation. I think learning how fragile life could be and remembering what really mattered in that moment was the best lesson or gift i could have gotten as I move on to the next chapter of my life.

Don't take the people you love for granted. I am reaching out to friends lost and people that need to know how valued they are to me. I am also living my life with the knowledge that sweating the small stuff is pointless and that In a Moment it could all be different.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Avoiding the Ugly

As my undergraduate years come to a close there are some lessons I learned on my own that I wished someone would have taught me, Before I had to learn the hard way. Lately in my still newly single state of mind, I have been reflecting on my interactions with men both successful and negative. I have had a few situations that have made me greatly uncomfortable and for the first time I have decided to discuss these real life situations as a way to help others, be on the lookout. I have been in too many interactions where these issues popped up and turned it into an Ugly and Sticky situation. So here are some ways to avoid the Ugly.

The Phone:
Sometimes you meet someone and you are totally interested. You can't wait to learn more and you are excited for those new and still fresh interactions. So it is normal for a man to call you, but if that guy calls you too much this could be a serious warning sign. There have been a couple guys in my history who would call and if i didn't pick up, would hang up and call right back. Repeating this for 4-5 times. There are a number of reasons why I may not be picking up my phone, I'm at work, I'm on the phone, I am sleep or I do not want to talk to you but calling me 6 times in a row will not make me want to pick up or call you back any sooner. My logic, if I don't pick up the first time, I can't pick up the 3rd time you call because it sends the sign that it is okay for you to call me that many times in one sitting. This has been a sign that I have ignored time and time again. If this guy can't respect your time apart and give you space, it's is only a sign of more issues to come.

*Also pay attention to the tmes, that he calls, one guy would call me at 2-3 am and say, hey want to study? While I am committed to my academic endeavors, calling me at 3 in the morning to study seems shady to me and will not be received well. Just as an FYI.

Another issue with the phone, if he finds a reason to always look at your phone or tells you who is calling your phone as opposed to just giving it to you, this isn't just nosey this is a trust and insecurity issue on his end. This was a bigger issue for me because the guy I was hanging with stated he understood that we were single and allowed to do our own thing. But I constantly found myself having to keep my phone close and having to disclose who I was texting etc. Any fellas reading this and trying to approach me, understand that my phone is my business.

One friend always had a habit of touching me. He found excuses to put his hands on me whether it was to compliment the fabric of my outfit or to give me affirming body language, like a stroke of the back, a hand on my thigh, a random neck message as we sit and watch tv. All of these things can be seen as flirty and even sexy when they are welcomed exchanges. But it seems to me that guys do not know when the touching is welcomed and when it isnt. If I move away, move your hand, call you out about it and/or tell you to stop.....Why would you think its ok to continue doing so whether its that night or the next day. Pay attention to body language. Also guys, pay attention to the girls friends! If my friends are coming up and trying to distract you, or move me away or cock block there is a reason for it. Friends know when friends are feeling violated, Take the Hint.

Public and Private Spaces:
I recently started talking to a guy who would be the sweetest gentlemen when we are out and he is sober, but when he is out drinking with friends, I would get 10-15 text messeges telling me he wants to come over, and that he is waiting outside my apartment. NEVER SHOW UP TO A GIRLS APARTMENT UNINVITED. It drove me nuts that no matter what I was doing, if he was drinking he thought it was cool to sit outside and pressure me into letting him in or coming outside to talk to him.

I am single. Do not act like we are boo'd up in public. In greek circles people talk, so I for the most part (minus this blog :-) ) try to keep my business low key. This one particular greek I was talking to at the time, would always cross the line. If we are dancing and having fun he would start kissing my neck, if im talking to other guys he would put his arm around my waist, and the worst of it, he once grabbed the straps of my thong, midconversation at a party. WTF? Learn the difference between public and private spaces and respect them both.

And guys control your demeanor. Some guys are used to getting what they want, and when they can't have it there is a real ugly side to them, picky arguements, yelling and screaming out of nowhere without a just reason... these are signs that you should keep pepperspray nearby.

Sometimes I have been with a guy and for whatever reason it just didnt feel right. I try to use logic to rationalize why this is silly. But one thing I have learned is to listen to that. If a guy makes you uncomfortable, and sirens are going off in your head to back away. Trust your gut, listen to your instincts. Have faith that you are smart enough to detect some issues before they get to be too much to handle.

I understand that this was a long blog but I felt the need to really discuss this, and hopefully drop some knowledge to the clueless guys. And offer advice to some of my readers.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Things to know Before you Work....

I worked really hard writing papers and studying today. One step closer to graduation. Actually 2 days of class left and 2 weeks before my actual graduation, but first I have to get through these classes and finals. Because I worked hard, I felt it was my duty to play hard. I went to see one of the hottest hip hop groups in Ann Arbor hands down Cypher Affiliated.

quick plug check them out :

It was at this show that I spotted my mission of the night, a cute newly greek member who I had never laid eyes on before but intended to seal the deal with him. After bold flirtyness I learned we were going to the same party after the show. Excited that things were moving along I plotted on how to gain his attention for the night. I approached him at the party, told him that Aces do it the best and that he wouldn't be able to handle me. Of course he was ready to prove me wrong right? Of course. After showing him some of my best material and putting in WORK on the dance floor, we flirted back and forth most of the night. And when I say putting in work I mean, giving him just enough to know what moves I could contribute in a more intimate and private setting while still pretending like the focus is the dancing to music and not grinding on him.

Once things started to calm down I realized he didnt even ask me for my number. I recalculated. He did express all the essential signs to show he was feeling me right? Flirty vibes...check... frisky hands....check eye contact with a matching smile.......check. So why didnt he ask for the digits? After a while I gave up, hating that I gave him my best dance floor material but at least it was a workout.

A friend of mine at the party approached him and directly asked him why he didn't step up and ask for my number. Turns out that he didnt want to hurt his girlfriend's feelings who had been at the party the whole night.

So after spending most the party spitting game and putting in Work on the dance floor, sweating out my hair and pulling a muscle getting my "Stanky Leg" on, my lesson of the night, there are some things you should know Before you go to Work.

Friday, April 17, 2009

A Real Independent Woman

As a student and soon to be graduate of the University of Michigan, I have prided myself on trying to develop myself in a way that would ensure that I would be an Independent and self reliant woman. A Soon to be law student, with my own car, career, ambitions and friends I felt like I was well on my way to being the Independent woman I envisioned. However, the last couple of weeks has taught me something, all of that is BS.

In the Peek of one of the most stressful times of my life, I've learned a couple things about myself. I need sex. Sex is this amazing experience where two people.....or more committ to satisfying each other. Its explorative, its adventurous and a great way to relieve stress. The physical and emotional release from it really encourages me to keep going. Being the Sexy superstar even if its just for a night can be just the stimulation needed to keep you going and to keep you fired up.

sigh....well when you dont have a partner that magic can't happen. Or can it? Men can resort to masturbating and so for my first official blog I will discuss the process of me trying to be the REAL independent woman, who doesnt NEED a man for anything.. not even ass.

So late at night I took out a pocket rocket (waterproof) and layed on my back. Legs apart and ready to get some. It was actually exciting thinking about the satisfaction I was about to get. I was told to buy lube, but Im naturally ...juiced up if you will so I didnt think it was necessary, but I was new to this so why the hell not? Soft music going and some of my sorority candles burning, I actually set the mood for myself. I inch the the pocket rocket in, lube in hand for back up and im ready for the ride.

After a few minutes of boredom, one of the biggest let downs this semester, I threw the pocket rocket back in the bag. The vibration just annoyed me and the lube made a mess so that I had to change my sheets. I Took a shower and placed a call to my ex-boyfriend, only to find that I interupted his date and acted as a cock block as well. I may not be a Real Independent Woman... but at least I wasnt the only woman Not getting any that night.