I had an experience at work yesterday that really reminded me of why I detest women sometimes. They can be so two faced and cut throat when it comes to the things they want. I think of all the opportunistic women I deal with on a daily basis and it pisses me off. All of the women sleeping with other peoples men, breaking up families, adding to the world dilemma of baby mama drama ... all of it irks me. And the professional women who are professional hoes. They will do anything for the opportunity for upward advancement. I went to bed Pissed about so many of these women but woke up remembering how I am just as guilty. (if not more so)
A few years ago, my longest childhood friend was having her 21st birthday party. I was in Atlanta and she was in Iowa and the party was in Indiana. (Dont Ask). Her ex-boyfriend who she adores and was openly trying to work things out with was throwing the party. And me and some other friends were all crashing at his place for the weekend. How do I start a "I participated in a random sexual act with my best friend and her love interest" story? I didnt like him. I thought he treated my friend horribly. And I actually cursed him out about most of it during my first night there. However, every story has two sides. So after hearing his side of the story i was very conflicted. He seemed very genuine so I backed down and decided to get along......
I knew i was in trouble. Temptation grew at an unbelievable pace. I wanted him. It wasnt going to happen because he was clearly my friends ex. and she clearly still had feelings for him. But she had a few drinks and starting making out with him while i was still in the room. Once she pulled his package out and i saw what she was working with.... did i mention i wanted him? As she began to give him head- he pulled me towards them. I didnt actually do anything more than touching and kissing. I couldnt handle a 3 some. I kept thinking.. shes doing that wrong... I can do that better... i wanted to just tell her to move and let me do it. So when I excused myself from their make out session they felt bad and stopped. She went to sleep. I slept with her man..... twice.
I told her the next day and our friendship died instantly. I always ask myself why would i do something so stupid? Why would i risk a friendship? Why would I hurt someone like that? I think i have an understanding of how I lost control but it doesnt change the fact that I really hurt someone. I know I have grown since this experience and it wouldnt happen again. But I woke up feeling the need to confess. I used to be one of the women I hate today. But I work on myself daily. Why write about this? I think my blog started as me being open and honest about what was real whether it was pretty or not. The sun sets sometimes and darkness has its turn to rule. I think i just want to let it go and move past it.