Why men Hate a Daddy's Girl

24 million children in the united states live without their biological fathers... 55% of African American children grow up in fatherless homes...

That is not me. I grew up with my daddy, in my home and I am a self - described "daddy's Girl". I can see you rolling your eyes now and giving the "sideways face" but why? There is a very negative connotation to the term "Daddy's Girl". Whenever I start the romantic roadtrip of getting to know a new guy, one of the first questions that always comes up is if I am a Daddy's Girl. Most men that I talk with are automatically turned off by this title and it normally counts as a strike against you as a woman or something that your potential partner will learn to "deal with". I have some speculations as to why.

When you say that you are a daddy's girl, the image of a spoiled brat comes up. A girl who at the flow of any tear can get her father's full attention and without any hesitation and can get him to cough up money, time or resources to solve any problem his baby girl may have. So this leaves a girl inside a woman's body, who has never learned to develop her own skills, or stand on her own feet to solve the problems of her world. Thats not me.

I have the strong father, who knew when to tell me no, knew how to push me when I didnt want to be pushed and also showed me how to take chances and risks while providing myself with backup plans. Their is a fear of the Daddy's Girl because these women have been taught by men, how real mean should treat them, and how to deal with them and what their actions really men. Real fathers act as spies to the male mind, informing their daughters of what to avoid in their relationships with men. And of course real fathers inform their daughters of their worth all the time, so that their daughters will never settle for less, believing its the best they can do. This confidence and insight to a weaker man can seem like something to avoid. Of course its harder to deal with a woman who has been raised by a great man, who has taught her her worth, and who has given her all the tools she needs to stand on her own feet. To all the men who are afraid of dating the "Daddy's Girls" out there... look in the mirror and understand why.

When a guy is turned off by my stated role as a Daddy's Girl I don't shy away from it. I want men in my life to know I have been properly trained in the sight seeing of bullshit and that I know my worth and that if all else fails in life, there will always be at least One man that I know loves me unconditionally, forever.

Dilemma of the Successful Black Woman

70% of black women are single. 42% of black women have never been married. There are 1.8 Million more black women than men. I don't even want to know the percentage of black men in prison or on the down low. When you take the time to acknowledge these numbers, and realize that for women the Higher in education she goes, the harder it is across all racial lines to find a husband... me currently pursuing my JD seems to be a nail in the coffin that is my love life.



As I watch Oprah, Dateline, and ABC televised specials... and i read Steve Harvey's Act like a lady, Think like a Man, or Jimi Izrael's the Denzel Principal.... it bcomes clear that its not just a state of mind. It is hard to find a man now a days especially if you are trying to find a black man.



Who is to blame? All the media would have you believe that black women are much like chilli from TLC, who has a long list of demands from penis size to what he must eat in order to be her man. But that isnt the case. Of course I have standards, as all women should. And I know that im worth the effort, so it becomes the dilemma of many single black women out there today... Why arent men reaching high or climbing further for those high quality apples at the top of the tree? While I know I am a quality apple at the top of the tree.. i know that gravity and age will wear an apple down and eventually ... well everything that goes up must come down right?

We shall see...

Parking lot Pimping and other Dating Fails

Chicago men are not shy. Chicago women are... not shy. In a city where the effects of the recession is very apparent, Chicago has amazed me with the ability to make the most out of nothing. Don't have money for the club? Dont have any clothes to wear? In chicago that doesnt mean you cant have that club scene atmosphere.

Only in Chicago is it common practice for teens and adults to park at different parking lots and actually post up the entire night trying to meet and holla at people. Guys will park their hoopty to ballar cars at White Castles, Wal-Greens, Jewel-Osco and other random places, blasting music and trying to holla at ladies. Oh and lets not forget to make special note that these women dress like Lil Kim designed their clothes for them. You have to see it to beileve it. Crowds bigger than inside of 5th Quarter and Necto combined in one parking lot. Theres no fee to get in and its byob.

So why was I there and how do i know about this?.........

Ive learned not to smile in Chicago. Walking down the street with a smile, is like saying to every crazy Deshawn, Tyrone and Ceasar and even Jimmy that you are interested in them.

"Dayum girl you smiling hard, let me get your number?!"
"Awww I see you like Big pappi give me yo digits so i can keep you smiling."

"Girl you smile so hard, make me wanna give you a REAL reason to smile"

Ive learned to "Mean Mug" as an attempt to be more low profile and deter local homies from trying to "get on". As you may notice my vocabulary has increased too.

The dating scene is such a major part of Chicago that this wont be my last blog about it im sure.

Well im gonna go ahead and get back to "getting it in" while yall are just "getting on" what im talking about over here.

love life

Dickmatized

After not getting any for a few LONG months, I ended my celibacy in the city of Chicago. New to the area, didn't know alot of people and the start of law school all was making me tense and yall already know from my first blog entry that the whole Tweet "Oops Oh My" was not gonna cut it. I needed the physical release that comes from hot, intense, sexual pleasure.

*Sighs, Another Greek. The org shall remain nameless but been there done that and dayum why did I go back for seconds? Anyways the physical interaction with this guy wasnt the best ive ever had (although ladies a bit of advice Always make him think he is the best you ever had :-) because he will work harder to keep the title and it strokes his ego whie he's stroking your.... ) Anyways the guy was flawless on paper.

No kids, good job, college graduate, property owner, had his own car, im so lucky i thought im kicking it with a real man. (IF a man seems to be tooo good to be true... dayum it girl pay attention). If he is dayum near 30 and single... theres a reason for it. As accomplished as this man was- the crazyness out of his mouth would encourage me to be celibate again. And we all know thats not happening again :-)

Arguements began when he told me that he wanted a baby momma before he got married, to test his future wifey to see how she handles having ties to him. I was so scared that he was trying to trap me that i had to be the one to buy the condoms and grab them just to make sure they werent tappered with. Then he had his view points on what it means to be the Man in the house- he went on to tell me that even if I made more money than him when i enter "his" house not OUR but His house my money was his money. And lets not forget the constant need to pretend to be more busy than he ever was. Im so busy i cant talk now, as he updates, myspace, facebook, twitter and his gmail status as to his new project of downloading the latest skype application and websurfing discounts. OH and how can I forget this balla of a brother was so accomplished and so amazing that its the topic of most our conversations, yet I was expected to pay for everything, including taking him on dates.

So why would I bother with the drama, and headache of something I knew was going nowhere? Maybe its because I care about him and have grown to laugh at his ignorant outlooks on things, maybe its because I value him as a friend despite how he treats me, maybe its because I believe that underneath the asshole cover is a caring guy who loves his frat, family and job, or maybe.. well ... maybe its... well...

All I can say is...... Dayum ... that dick is pretty good tho......



I wonder what he's doing right now... should prolly text him :-)

Celibacy = Blogger's Block

Where have I been? Starting my blog was a fun and real way for me to say what I was really feeling and thinking. Gave me the control and freedom to call people out and to own up to and speak my truth. After writing a couple of my entries, I decided to be celibate. For those of you who follow me publically or privately, you have probably read my 1st entry, "A REAL Independent Woman" where I gave an 'inside look' at my masturbation attempts. Clearly not satisfied with that I discussed some of my sexual hunts whether successful or not but ulitmately decided I may be addicted to the Dick.

After realizing this, I decided to be celibate. Yes, me. As my family and friends heard my decision noone really believed that I woud do it. Well Fuck them.... 3 months has to count for something right? In the time of my celibacy, I started Law School at DePaul and moved to Chicago, still a wolverine but with a new zip code. With the new zip code, came new explorations, new dramedies and so much to speak on.

Chicago the land of successful brothers and achieving sistahs, the former home of caprini green and the ballers on the Magnificent Mile. The uppidy fogo de chao and the hood famous Harolds Chicken. This is my new home and im finally ready to share it with everyone.

Same rules as last time, I am going to be direct, blunt and honest so please dont email me or text me in shock. I am proof that even the "Good Girls" have stories and that the Michigan Degree, Community Service and Wealthy Background doesnt mean im not real. And law school has only made me that much more direct and real.

the celibacy blocked me from expression, but Im Back.

Are you ready?

The Graduation Gift

Graduating from the University of Michigan was one of my biggest accomplishments. I was paranoid that at graduation something embarrassin was going to happen. I had nightmares of me falling down the stairs at the Big House, I had visions of me being caught falling asleep during the comencement ceremony. The list went on. At graduation I walked so slow down the stairs, I held up everyone, but I didnt fall :-) However, at Black Celebratory, my gown broke, the zipper refused to go up moments before it was my turn to walk up the stage. How can this happen to me, just my luck! I was so upset, I contemplating not walking up and having my name read, but a friend convinced me to just do it anyways. I did, and it was fine, worried for nothing.

I had the pleasure of going to Atlanta to watch my only brother graduate from high school. Watching him cross the stage, was such a moment for me, my brother has his whole life ahead of him and I was so Moved. My brother was the kid noone thought would graduate, poor grades and bad life decisions almost ruined his future, but now he is living on his own in chicago and doing well in Art School.

Everything changed at dinner.

My family went to dinner to celebrate my brothers graduation. As we sat, my brother turned red and almost passed out. Breathing frantically and having a hard time breathing. We had to rush him to the emergency room. I spent hours in the ER waiting room, holding my brothers cap. How could moments ago he be walking across the stage and smiling nd the next gasping for air and the whole family filled with a different set of emotions. My brother is ok, turned out he is allergic to Atlanta and some throat closure issues.

But the night taught me the value of family and how fragile life can be. The things ive worried about the nightmares that kept me up and the people I let hold me back...doesnt really seem to matter when facing a life altering situation. I think learning how fragile life could be and remembering what really mattered in that moment was the best lesson or gift i could have gotten as I move on to the next chapter of my life.

Don't take the people you love for granted. I am reaching out to friends lost and people that need to know how valued they are to me. I am also living my life with the knowledge that sweating the small stuff is pointless and that In a Moment it could all be different.

Avoiding the Ugly

As my undergraduate years come to a close there are some lessons I learned on my own that I wished someone would have taught me, Before I had to learn the hard way. Lately in my still newly single state of mind, I have been reflecting on my interactions with men both successful and negative. I have had a few situations that have made me greatly uncomfortable and for the first time I have decided to discuss these real life situations as a way to help others, be on the lookout. I have been in too many interactions where these issues popped up and turned it into an Ugly and Sticky situation. So here are some ways to avoid the Ugly.

The Phone:
Sometimes you meet someone and you are totally interested. You can't wait to learn more and you are excited for those new and still fresh interactions. So it is normal for a man to call you, but if that guy calls you too much this could be a serious warning sign. There have been a couple guys in my history who would call and if i didn't pick up, would hang up and call right back. Repeating this for 4-5 times. There are a number of reasons why I may not be picking up my phone, I'm at work, I'm on the phone, I am sleep or I do not want to talk to you but calling me 6 times in a row will not make me want to pick up or call you back any sooner. My logic, if I don't pick up the first time, I can't pick up the 3rd time you call because it sends the sign that it is okay for you to call me that many times in one sitting. This has been a sign that I have ignored time and time again. If this guy can't respect your time apart and give you space, it's is only a sign of more issues to come.

*Also pay attention to the tmes, that he calls, one guy would call me at 2-3 am and say, hey want to study? While I am committed to my academic endeavors, calling me at 3 in the morning to study seems shady to me and will not be received well. Just as an FYI.

Another issue with the phone, if he finds a reason to always look at your phone or tells you who is calling your phone as opposed to just giving it to you, this isn't just nosey this is a trust and insecurity issue on his end. This was a bigger issue for me because the guy I was hanging with stated he understood that we were single and allowed to do our own thing. But I constantly found myself having to keep my phone close and having to disclose who I was texting etc. Any fellas reading this and trying to approach me, understand that my phone is my business.

Touching:
One friend always had a habit of touching me. He found excuses to put his hands on me whether it was to compliment the fabric of my outfit or to give me affirming body language, like a stroke of the back, a hand on my thigh, a random neck message as we sit and watch tv. All of these things can be seen as flirty and even sexy when they are welcomed exchanges. But it seems to me that guys do not know when the touching is welcomed and when it isnt. If I move away, move your hand, call you out about it and/or tell you to stop.....Why would you think its ok to continue doing so whether its that night or the next day. Pay attention to body language. Also guys, pay attention to the girls friends! If my friends are coming up and trying to distract you, or move me away or cock block there is a reason for it. Friends know when friends are feeling violated, Take the Hint.

Public and Private Spaces:
I recently started talking to a guy who would be the sweetest gentlemen when we are out and he is sober, but when he is out drinking with friends, I would get 10-15 text messeges telling me he wants to come over, and that he is waiting outside my apartment. NEVER SHOW UP TO A GIRLS APARTMENT UNINVITED. It drove me nuts that no matter what I was doing, if he was drinking he thought it was cool to sit outside and pressure me into letting him in or coming outside to talk to him.

I am single. Do not act like we are boo'd up in public. In greek circles people talk, so I for the most part (minus this blog :-) ) try to keep my business low key. This one particular greek I was talking to at the time, would always cross the line. If we are dancing and having fun he would start kissing my neck, if im talking to other guys he would put his arm around my waist, and the worst of it, he once grabbed the straps of my thong, midconversation at a party. WTF? Learn the difference between public and private spaces and respect them both.

And guys control your demeanor. Some guys are used to getting what they want, and when they can't have it there is a real ugly side to them, picky arguements, yelling and screaming out of nowhere without a just reason... these are signs that you should keep pepperspray nearby.

Instincts:
Sometimes I have been with a guy and for whatever reason it just didnt feel right. I try to use logic to rationalize why this is silly. But one thing I have learned is to listen to that. If a guy makes you uncomfortable, and sirens are going off in your head to back away. Trust your gut, listen to your instincts. Have faith that you are smart enough to detect some issues before they get to be too much to handle.

I understand that this was a long blog but I felt the need to really discuss this, and hopefully drop some knowledge to the clueless guys. And offer advice to some of my readers.